When I was 5 or 6, my mom and stepdad gave my sister and me bikes for Easter. After church, they asked, “Do you want to learn how to ride them?” And I was like, “Duh??”. I had finally gotten the hang of it and I was riding around the circle showing off. My mom said, “Say cheese,” so I looked over at her for a second, and I FUCKING RAMMED INTO A CAR AT FULL SPEED. It was a parked car that I completely missed, so I crashed into it, fell off my bike, and began crying, thinking, “this must be how bugs feel”. Like they’re flying around living life and then SPLAT. In retrospect, that was my first existential crisis.