I have chosen to stay anonymous to protect my identity from the ridicule. Yesterday evening, I got hungry and chose to make some ramen. I took out the various packets from the bowl, included the flavor and dried vegetables, then put the bowl in the microwave. After about a minute or two, I understood something was wrong. A horrible burning smell had permeated my kitchen. I opened the door to my microwave and…low and behold…I had failed to include water. There was some smoke coming from the bowl. Not wanting to waste the ramen, I went to the sink and added water, which engulfed the room with acrid smoke for several seconds. I then returned the bowl again in the microwave and cooked it for two more minutes before attempting to eat it. Well…It went okay for a little while, until I found a mass of blackened noodles which had transformed into some sort of bizarre crystalline substance yet seen in nature by humankind. I had a change of mind.